Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
