on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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