what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
