my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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