I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
