If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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