Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
