then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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