my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
