He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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