Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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