My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
