ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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