its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
