So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
