I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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