Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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