OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
