ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
