I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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