he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
