Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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