I puked a lego.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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