He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
