she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
