You can't special order awesome
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
