Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I touched a dick in church today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
