So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize