the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
