My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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