I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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