It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
