Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there was a trapeze. enough said
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
