Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
