We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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