first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
