The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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