"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you had me at cake vodka
I need moral support for this bender
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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