You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
