Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
