please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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