How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
