Can i not drive my cunt home
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
