He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
