fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
