He is an equal opportunity slut.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
