I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
