I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
