STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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