I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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