apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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