I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
