I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
