**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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