he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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