So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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