Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
