did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
