Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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