just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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