Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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