New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
