i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
