So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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