I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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