why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have aggressive nipples.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
