You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
