I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
