I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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