I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
